Russel Brand and Gabor Mate have an intriguing conversation about how “Damaged Leaders Rule The World”. This is a great video, as would be expected, for those who know these two men. It’s packed with truth and wit, and it’s worth watching the whole thing, it is included at the end of my babbling. Please take the time to watch in through, but in case you don’t/can’t, here are some of the highlights that I found most compelling.
The basic premise is that trauma is what lies behind addiction, and that both are inseparable parts of personal and social experiences. A society that is composed of traumatized individuals will itself be traumatized, and addictive behaviors are individual and social coping mechanisms.
First of all, they lay out the definition of addiction, so that we are all of the same understanding:
Addiction is a complex process, but it’s manifested in any behavior that a person finds temporary pleasure or relief in, and therefore craves, but suffers negative consequences as a result of, and cannot give up this behavior despite the negative consequences […] it could be [substances such as drugs and alcohol], but could also be shopping, sex, pornography, […] eating, political power, exercise, internet gaming, cell-phoning.
It’s not what you’re doing, it’s your relationship to it, is there craving, is there a negative consequence.
[It is essentially] an attempt to regulate your inner state through an external behavior… so there’s something about the inner state that’s unbearable.
It is this unbearable inner state that is unresolved trauma. It starts in childhood, of course, with our experiences and the consequent view they create, and as long as it’s left unexamined, we end up in adult bodies with child-like views of the world.
Addiction starts with trauma. In the first part of the interview, Gabor and Russel discuss the efficacy of the 12-step programs. These are very important and have saved millions of lives, Gabor however, makes the point that they don’t address this issue of trauma, which is essentially to address pain:
It’s easier to believe that I have a disease [in the case of looking at addiction as a disease, rather than a behavior], rather then to recognize that I wasn’t loved the way I needed to be loved, I was hurt by the people that were supposed to love me, I was hurt by the people that did love me. And I still carry the imprints of that suffering. […] It’s very painful to come to terms with your family history. [… And to make things worse,] we live in a society that is largely designed around helping people escape from their daily consciousness.
Consumerism requires the addict mentality, it requires a cycle that cannot be surmounted by rationale.
And, I feel it is important to stress here, addiction is just the itch that we need to scratch, it can manifest in many more simple and elusive ways than substance or porn. We often buy things simply to distract ourselves, whether we are unhappy or just bored. Even the process of going to the stores and looking around is a form of distraction. It may not be as clear as a craving, as someone has for a substance, but distraction is just as much craved as drugs. We program ourselves that way, and society consumerism, advertisements, and eventually our own unaware social circles interact with and reinforce this programming.
“The economy creates artificial needs, and the economy relies on that.”
So what artificial needs are created? It’s not only consumerism of ‘stuff’, it could be the importance of going out to eat, or to drink, or get into a private club, or the rush of being a part of some clique. Although the underlying needs here are belonging and connection, if these turn into addictive processes (I end up going even though I can’t afford it, or I end up spending a lot of time with people that aren’t really nurturing and loving), then we’re still talking about distraction and not satisfaction.
Digging further into the mechanism of trauma (around 10:33), they discuss the evolutionary goodness and compassion of human beings:
Humans would not have evolved with anything other than a compassionate relationship to each other. Mammalians are wired for empathy, without that there’s not social life or taking care of the young.
[…] When we’re hurt as children, when our vulnerability is not received or is hurt, we shut down. And then as adults we continue to view the world from this shut-down, limited, individual perspective, in which we’re driven to be egotistical because that ego is seen as self-defense. But that hurts us as the same time, because it goes contrary to our true nature [which, is naturally geared towards connection and empathy].
This then creates a deep-seated contradiction between that constricted ego, which is a product of trauma, and our true selves, and this constant inner conflict becomes unbearable. Often we’re not aware of it, since the mind is incredibly efficient and keeps it out of our direct consciousness, so that we can move on with our lives.
Another very important point, is that of inherited trauma (31:23 in the video). Many of us aren’t directly traumatized by wars or famine or violence, however we still carry a traumatized inner burden. This kind of trauma is “passed on both in psychological terms, since any trauma that one generation holds, that they haven’t worked through, will be passed on to the next one.” And this one is sometimes more challenging to become aware of, since we can’t dig into our personal memories and discover the ‘sources’. Many of my own clients have this difficulty, and they’re always astounded when they realize that much of the discomfort, conflict and depression they carry is actually someone else’s – usually a parent’s. Inherited trauma is like wearing someone else’s clothes: we adopt the same ideas and view of the world as they have, but this is actually not our own experience
Around 48:25, Gabor dives into a very interesting view on politicians and trauma. It’s worth listening to, as he analyzes Trump (of course), but then also looks at other leaders (Thatcher, Blair, Hillary, Obama, etc).
People in power are the products of negative, malevolent thinking. […] People who form the apex of our society are highly traumatized people. If you believe you live in a horrible world how are you gonna be? You have to be aggressive, grandiose, paranoid, selfish.
[…] The Buddha said we create the world with our minds, but also, the world creates our minds as well (referring back to our childhood experiences that shape how we experience and view it).
So, what do we do? What is the call for action?
Personally, I believe that self-awareness is the key to all of this. To really turn and look at ourselves, starting with the basics of our behavior but then taking a look behind that. We are all fully empowered to ‘change the world’, and we can only do it one self at a time.
Gabor states the words of a Rabbi that lives 500 years before Jesus:
The task is not yours to finish, but neither aer you free not to take part in it.and if not now, when?
And Russel, in his immaculately articulate manner adds:
Part of the challenge is that the external grid of reality accurately mirrors the inner, automatic grid of so many people’s perception, and therefore they would not perceive infidelity […].
So if you attune yourself to a world that is full of injustice and fear and pain, then that is the world you see, and then all is in alignment. This is an old truth, that forms the basis of much of psychology, psychotherapy, and spiritual practice: The view we have of others is really projections of our own selves. This is true of whether we see negative or positive traits.
If we don’t take the time to do the most important viewing of all, into our own mirror, then we blindly act and think (and subsequently feel) as children trapped in a big body.
